Relationship in the 21st Century: Theory and Practice

by Enoch Wan

Background

This is a sequel to the last blog post entitled: “A warm, but empty voice? Reflections on face-to-face interactions.”

Last time, we established the understanding that “real personal relationship is a distinctive of Christian faith and practice” and now we want to address the follow-up question: “Then what about it?”

The rediscovery of “relationship” in Christian faith and practice is critically important in the context of the 21st century when people are starving for “genuine relationship” amidst the context of broken marriages, dysfunctional families, and fractured relationships in general.

From the teaching of Jesus on “true discipleship”: “Knowing” the truth is to follow by “doing” it (John 8:31-32, 1 John 3:23-24) and this time we want to focus on “Relationship in the 21st Century: Theory and Practice.”

“Genuine Relationship” – Definition

“Genuine relationship” in the 21st century is a rare thing; even within the relational network of marriage and family. A couple may be married socially, intimate sexually, sharing wealth financially (e.g., home ownership and bank account), daily sleeping in the same bed physically, but without genuine relationship. By “genuine relationship,” I mean “authentic, spontaneous, sincere, and heart-and-soul bonding of persons together in unity” at two levels (ideal and real):

• Ideally, such as the perfect unity in the Triune God (John 10:30) and the mysterious unity between Christ and the Church (Eph. 5)
• Realistically, like the ideal couple in a marriage and loved ones within the nuclear family and true Christians within the Body of Christ. 

There are two steps to revitalizing all relationships, changing them to become genuine relationships: knowing and doing.

“Genuine Relationship”: Knowing

There are three elements in terms of knowing (or the 3Rs in theoretical understanding): realization, reorientation, and revitalization as shown in Figure 1 below:

Figure 1: Knowing Genuine Relationship

We are to first “realize” that the pace and lifestyle of the 21st century is not conducive to “genuine relationship,” which takes time, trust, risk, patience, and perseverance. We must also realize we have missed the mark on genuine relationship even within the Church of Christ. We are too busy and too lazy for genuine relationship. We might come to the realization during a crisis or after the death of a loved one; it will not dawn on us naturally.

After realization, we need to have a “reorientation” to retune ourselves to genuine relationship. Reorientation may require us to change our value system, our worldview, and our lifestyle. And we are to remove all barriers to genuine relationship.

All of us live within the relational networks of marriage, family, church, workplace, school, association, club, etc. but all these relationships are to be “revitalized” to become genuine relationship. This last step of revitalization is the way to translate “knowing” into “doing”.

“Genuine Relationship”: Doing

There are three elements in terms of doing (or the 3Rs in practical way): relating, responding, and reconnecting as shown in Figure 2 below:

Figure 2: Doing Genuine Relationship

If we have had only superficial and non-genuine relationships previously, there are three elements to “doing genuine relationship” when striving for revitalization: relating, responding, and reconnecting.

Based on the new understanding (knowing) of the value and nature of “genuine relationship,” we are to take the initiative to actively “relate” in a new and genuine way–not in the old superficial manner. When relating, we are to engage the whole person ( heart, head, and hands) holistically.

And if others relate to us in a non-genuine way, we are to “respond” correctly so that it will lead to genuine relationship. All existing relationships are to be “reconnected” anew towards the goal of genuine relationship.

“Genuine Relationship”: Willing

However, if “knowing” is step 1 and “doing” is step 3, what is missing is step 2: being “willing” as shown in Figure 3 below:

Figure 3: Willing Genuine Relationship

As Christians, we know it is God who “works in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13) with transformational power (Rom. 12:1-2).

All genuine relationships begin with and are sustained by the Triune God (John 3:5-8; 6:44-65; 10:28-30) vertically: Father (Rom. 8:29, Eph. 1:4), Son (John 17:20, Heb. 7:23-26; 2 Cor. 5:18-19), Holy Spirit (John 16:8-11). Horizontally, genuine relationships are made possible by the Triune God (Eph. 2:10-22; 4:6), but are practically workable among fellow Christians (Acts 2-4), and within the household (Eph. 5:21-6:9), the Church (Eph. 4:1-16), and daily life (1 John 4:8-21).

Let’s not only know (3Rs: realization, reorientation, and revitalization), but also do (3Rs: relate, response, and revitalize) genuine relationship in the context of the 21st century.

Enoch Wan is president of theEvangelical Missiological Society, director of the Institute for Diaspora Studies, and research professor of intercultural studies and director of the Doctor of Missiology program at Western Seminary. Learn more: www.enochwan.com

A Warm, but Empty Voice? Reflections on Face-to-Face Interactions

by Enoch Wan

You ask, “Surprised by the recent phenomenon of Twitter IPO?” My answer is NO, not really, because social media is the new normal in human interaction, i.e. related, but merely virtually. The tendency is to resort to virtual substitution for real personal relationship(i.e. face-to-face interaction).

Man is created as a social being. In the record of creation, seven times “God saw that this was good” (Gen. 1); but later we read, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). Man was created in the image of God who is the ‘3-in-1 Being’ and humanity is the ‘2-in-1 social being’, the wholeness with male-female completeness (Gen 2:24). The more we are deprived of real personal relationship, the starvation for it ensures that virtual substitution is inevitable.

Members of contemporary society have been deprived of real personal relationship due to multiple factors, such as the broken vertical relationship with God affecting horizontal relationships because of the fall, dehumanizing technology, alienating life-style, etc.; yet at the same time being overwhelmed by virtual relationship (i.e. non face-to-face interaction) through social media of communication technology.

The irony is that new technology enables members of contemporary society to be better connected than ever yet with diminishing return in face-to-face personal interaction. 

For example, we can watch Neil Armstrong’s moon walk from our living room; connected virtually in real time but that’s not face-to-face real personal interaction. 

I can watch my grandson taking his first step at his home in Asia via the smart phone but not face-to-face. 

Siblings with mobile phones can text one another under the same roof from different rooms. Are they connected personally? Yes, they are connected in real time virtually yet deprived of face-to-face interaction. 

Real personal relationship can easily be substituted virtually and the trend is alarmingly strong.

Real personal relationship is a distinctive of Christian faith and practice. For example, there is real personal interaction between the Triune God and Christian in salvation personally. The Father identifies each person; to each person the Son offers the provision; and the Holy Spirit regenerates/indwells each Christian. In prayer, we Christians pray to the Father, in the name of the Son, and by the power of the Holy Spirit – all personally done.  

Real personal interaction should be the hallmark of Christianity collectively. We are members of the body of Christ, fellow citizens of the Kingdom of God, children of the household of God…thus to be engaged in real personal relationship all the time. Yet we are prompt to sacrifice the distinctive of real personal relationship because of our ‘bigness complex’ and for the sake of efficiency we opt for ministry that is program-oriented and outcome-based. We scarified the face-to-face personal interaction at the altar of success with quantifiable and impersonal outcomes.

The Pharisees of the New Testament time were programmatic (i.e. obsessed with the program of Sabbath and circumcision) and not people-oriented (i.e. the healing of the sick). By our obsession with program-oriented Christian life style and ministry pattern, we Christians are the modern Pharisees without personal touch in our talk and walk.   

Unfortunately and practically, real personal relationship of face-to-face interaction is no longer a distinctive of Christian faith and practice because we have lost it in the contemporary socio-cultural context: efficient but impersonal, mass production but lack of personal touch. 

Void of face-to-face interaction, there is hardly any significant difference inside and outside of the Church and for that we have to repent.

The realization that face-to-face real personal interaction is missing in our Christian faith and practice is just the beginning of a long process of reversal. Repentance is the first step in real changes in our attitude and action. 

When a Christian ceases to practice real personal interaction, we are no longer the bearer of Good News of the Great Commission. We become a warm but empty voice. When a Christian ceases to practice real personal interaction, we are no longer the practitioner of the Great Commandment. When we cease to be the hand that feeds the hungry, we will be reduced to fuzzy feelings or resort to non-personal benevolent structure.

We must restore the characteristic of real personal relationship in our faith and practice. We are to revitalize it in our talk and walk both individually and collectively. By so doing, we will have a powerful testimony to the world at large where members of the contemporary society are starving for real personal relationship.We must practice the Great Commandment and carry out the Great Commission by face-to-face interaction re-vitalizing the distinctiveness of our faith and practice. 

Enoch Wan is president of the Evangelical Missiological Society, director of the Institute for Diaspora Studies, and research professor of intercultural studies and director of the Doctor of Missiology program at Western Seminary. Learn more: www.enochwan.com