Relationship in the 21st Century: Theory and Practice

by Enoch Wan

Background

This is a sequel to the last blog post entitled: “A warm, but empty voice? Reflections on face-to-face interactions.”

Last time, we established the understanding that “real personal relationship is a distinctive of Christian faith and practice” and now we want to address the follow-up question: “Then what about it?”

The rediscovery of “relationship” in Christian faith and practice is critically important in the context of the 21st century when people are starving for “genuine relationship” amidst the context of broken marriages, dysfunctional families, and fractured relationships in general.

From the teaching of Jesus on “true discipleship”: “Knowing” the truth is to follow by “doing” it (John 8:31-32, 1 John 3:23-24) and this time we want to focus on “Relationship in the 21st Century: Theory and Practice.”

“Genuine Relationship” – Definition

“Genuine relationship” in the 21st century is a rare thing; even within the relational network of marriage and family. A couple may be married socially, intimate sexually, sharing wealth financially (e.g., home ownership and bank account), daily sleeping in the same bed physically, but without genuine relationship. By “genuine relationship,” I mean “authentic, spontaneous, sincere, and heart-and-soul bonding of persons together in unity” at two levels (ideal and real):

• Ideally, such as the perfect unity in the Triune God (John 10:30) and the mysterious unity between Christ and the Church (Eph. 5)
• Realistically, like the ideal couple in a marriage and loved ones within the nuclear family and true Christians within the Body of Christ. 

There are two steps to revitalizing all relationships, changing them to become genuine relationships: knowing and doing.

“Genuine Relationship”: Knowing

There are three elements in terms of knowing (or the 3Rs in theoretical understanding): realization, reorientation, and revitalization as shown in Figure 1 below:

Figure 1: Knowing Genuine Relationship

We are to first “realize” that the pace and lifestyle of the 21st century is not conducive to “genuine relationship,” which takes time, trust, risk, patience, and perseverance. We must also realize we have missed the mark on genuine relationship even within the Church of Christ. We are too busy and too lazy for genuine relationship. We might come to the realization during a crisis or after the death of a loved one; it will not dawn on us naturally.

After realization, we need to have a “reorientation” to retune ourselves to genuine relationship. Reorientation may require us to change our value system, our worldview, and our lifestyle. And we are to remove all barriers to genuine relationship.

All of us live within the relational networks of marriage, family, church, workplace, school, association, club, etc. but all these relationships are to be “revitalized” to become genuine relationship. This last step of revitalization is the way to translate “knowing” into “doing”.

“Genuine Relationship”: Doing

There are three elements in terms of doing (or the 3Rs in practical way): relating, responding, and reconnecting as shown in Figure 2 below:

Figure 2: Doing Genuine Relationship

If we have had only superficial and non-genuine relationships previously, there are three elements to “doing genuine relationship” when striving for revitalization: relating, responding, and reconnecting.

Based on the new understanding (knowing) of the value and nature of “genuine relationship,” we are to take the initiative to actively “relate” in a new and genuine way–not in the old superficial manner. When relating, we are to engage the whole person ( heart, head, and hands) holistically.

And if others relate to us in a non-genuine way, we are to “respond” correctly so that it will lead to genuine relationship. All existing relationships are to be “reconnected” anew towards the goal of genuine relationship.

“Genuine Relationship”: Willing

However, if “knowing” is step 1 and “doing” is step 3, what is missing is step 2: being “willing” as shown in Figure 3 below:

Figure 3: Willing Genuine Relationship

As Christians, we know it is God who “works in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13) with transformational power (Rom. 12:1-2).

All genuine relationships begin with and are sustained by the Triune God (John 3:5-8; 6:44-65; 10:28-30) vertically: Father (Rom. 8:29, Eph. 1:4), Son (John 17:20, Heb. 7:23-26; 2 Cor. 5:18-19), Holy Spirit (John 16:8-11). Horizontally, genuine relationships are made possible by the Triune God (Eph. 2:10-22; 4:6), but are practically workable among fellow Christians (Acts 2-4), and within the household (Eph. 5:21-6:9), the Church (Eph. 4:1-16), and daily life (1 John 4:8-21).

Let’s not only know (3Rs: realization, reorientation, and revitalization), but also do (3Rs: relate, response, and revitalize) genuine relationship in the context of the 21st century.

Enoch Wan is president of theEvangelical Missiological Society, director of the Institute for Diaspora Studies, and research professor of intercultural studies and director of the Doctor of Missiology program at Western Seminary. Learn more: www.enochwan.com